Fools
by AsYouAre
Summary: It's the start of April in the Enchanted Forest and Regina is in a sour mood. After she takes it out on everyone, karma ensues. An OQ April Fool's day fic set in the missing year.


_Okay so it's technically no longer April Fool's Day here but it is somewhere so here's a little OQ April Fool's holiday fun, plus some missing year because I can never resist._

* * *

It's finally April.

Another month beginning without Henry. Several of them have passed now, still void of his presence, and this one will be no different. Yet, the agony of her loss is still fresh on her heart and she begins to wonder if it will ever fade into a dull ache, one that she can overlook and overcome with other troubles going on in the present. But even if it's possible, does she truly want to let Henry fade to the backdrop of her conscious thought?

It seems like that's everyone else's desire as they press forward, abandoning Henry and Emma as some irrelevant and distant memory that was merely that and nothing more; not a goal, not a treasure to take back. Instead, they'd adopted some mundane routine to muddle through their everyday lives and pretend like it was all okay—council meeting, breakfast, training, lunch, down time, more training, council meeting, specific assignment work, dinner, and finally sleep; the latter not being something that Regina particularly participates in, especially last night after realizing that it was in fact April and they hadn't made any headway against Zelena, and Henry is still somewhere without her.

So with that and Regina's already perpetual bad moods, she isn't exactly someone to mess with today. And naturally, the first person to greet her is the very type to mess with her; the thief's _existence_ was enough to drive her up a wall, truthfully. The only reason she has even let him live this long is because of his endearing little boy with the curly mop for hair and the twinkling disks of chocolate brown eyes (and the dimples, of course, especially the dimples). She had become rather fond of him, his only fault being that Robin Hood is his father but since that is out of his control, she lets it slide. It doesn't mean that his father is excused for his actions though.

She makes her disdain clear as he plops down in the seat next to her and greets her politely, "Morning, Your Majesty."

She can't help it, her words fall flippantly off her tongue, biting in response, "So glad your thick brain can make such an obvious observation, thief."

He simply raises his eyebrows, keenly aware of her sour mood but he comments no further and instead greets the others as they file in.

The meeting is asinine as expected. Charming gives his usual report on sword fight training along with a nod to the thief and his impeccable training in archery (which Regina was quick to roll her eyes at). The dwarf reports that he has no new info, other than the toymaker is working diligently away on the metal they found to make new weapons. Belle also has nothing to report, claiming she is still looking for a way to stop Zelena in one of her thousands of books. Then it's Regina's turn to deliver information, or well lack thereof, no new spells to conquer Zelena. She'd scoured every spell book in her possession and she still turned up with nothing. But she had heard tell of a sorcerers' place not far and she'd like to go investigate. After a moment Snow permits it but stipulates that someone must go with her, to which the thief eagerly offers.

He repaid his debt, why does he feel the need to further butt his way into her life?

She squashes his offer quickly, giving a flat no.

But the thief isn't so willing to let her win so he demands to know the reason behind her rejections, to which she explains that she doesn't need a babysitter.

"I'm not there to be your babysitter. I'm there to help in case you need assistance," he answers agitatedly.

"When are you going to learn that I didn't ask for your help?" she snaps.

"As soon as you learn to stop being so bloody stubborn and realize that you can't do everything on your own."

She tips her nose to the ceiling, "And who says I can't?"

His answer is wordless, just a tilt of his head and a raised eyebrow. Regina's face falls and she purses her lips, "I don't want you."

"Well it's not entirely up to you, now is it?"

"It can be," she raises her palm as if to create a fireball.

"Oh please," he dismisses, "Her Majesty should know that her empty threats take no hold on me."

"And a pathetic thief like yourself should know that there was a time when my threats weren't so empty."

"Well it seems you've lost your touch," he smirks.

Her blood boils then. She stands and shouts, giving into her ire, "How dare you!" She sobers then and continues, "Perhaps the only thing I've lost is the need for a bunch of thieving forest morons bumbling around my castle. Get out."

She gestures to the door but Robin doesn't move—no one does. The rest are all flabbergasted but he is only undeterred, crossing his arms over his chest and reclining slightly, which only makes her rage burn brighter. Her blood was overflowing with venom now, desperate to take a bite into her prey and to make it sting, to cause him pain like the one she felt. She doesn't think of her next words but feels them burn as they tumble out of her lips and she knows as soon as they're out, she wants more than anything to take them back, "I don't need your help because I'll turn out just like your wife."

And if the room wasn't quiet enough, she's sure that Jiminy could now be heard from across the castle or even across realms at this point.

Nobody says a word. No one even breathes. Robin holds her gaze for a moment longer and then drops it, rising from his chair and bushing past her without a word. Seconds later, the heavy wooden door slams shut and everyone, including Regina, jumps but they still don't speak. Eventually, Snow gets up and walks out next, presumably to do damage control with the thief and then the rest quickly follow suit, leaving Regina alone with nothing but her anger.

He doesn't go to breakfast and when she tries to alter her schedule to conveniently go by the training sessions, he isn't there either and she feels a sense of dread overwhelm her. She'd screwed up, big time and now she feels like complete and utter shit. She realizes it's about to get way worse as she notices the princess waiting by the castle doors on her trek back inside.

"Regina," Snow says warningly as soon as she is in earshot.

"Don't," she mutters.

Snow bars Regina's entrance into the castle though, holding fast to her gaze, "You need to fix this. Now."

Regina releases a sigh. The princess is right and as loathe as she is to admit it, Regina knew that she had to go make amends and apologize to the thief. But what does she say? Not only did she use the worst possible insult on him but one that he had told her privately in confidence. She's not entirely sure who all knew but it's not something she should have gone screaming about in front of the entire council.

It didn't matter what she said as long as she sincerely apologizes for what she said, right? So when Snow gives her a vote of confidence with a nod, Regina marches inside to do something that she doesn't do quite often and hopes that this time is one that she does right.

:::::

She's nervous; she can feel it in her shaky, slick palms. The old Regina would've forgone any kind of apology but she'd never felt a need to apologize like this. She physically feels genuinely sorry, which is why she's so nervous in the first place, because she doesn't want to screw this up. She doesn't want to hurt him—she never wanted to hurt him. She rubs her palms on her leather pants, even though that doesn't exactly help, and opens the door to see Robin Hood alone in the Merry Men quarters. He looks up briefly but once he realizes who it is, he returns to busying himself with whatever it is that he's doing.

He doesn't look up when he finally speaks, "What can I do for you, Your Majesty?"

"I— I," she stammers unable to gather a capable thought. God why is it a hundred degrees in this room? Robin still doesn't say anything just lets Regina find her composure. But Regina isn't able to deliver her apology when she finally realizes what he's doing. He's… packing? She knits her brows together, "What are you doing?"

"Granting your wish, Your Majesty," he answers coolly.

"What?"

"You asked me to leave and so I am complying with your wishes. Don't worry, I will have the rest of the Merry Men out by dinner time, if you would be so kind as to allowing us that much decency." His words sting harshly but she knows she deserves it.

"You're leaving?"

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Oh don't be so overdramatic," she scolds.

"You said it."

"I was angry! I say a lot of things when I'm pissed off, that doesn't mean you have to take every bit of it to your precious, fragile heart. Besides this is your fault anyways!"

"My fault?" His voice crescendos with a hint of incredulousness, "MY FAULT?! How the bloody hell is this my fault?!"

"You provoked me!" She was yelling now too. "If you weren't such an ass who feels like pushing my buttons all the time I wouldn't have to dislike you so much!"

He laughs heartily at that and she feels the air loosen up a bit but then he sobers and looks down at his pile of things. "Well now you needn't worry about having to like me at all, milady."

"You're not leaving."

"Oh that I am," he says as he paces across the room towards her. Her breath hitches momentarily until he walks past her over to a shelf to collect some things.

"You can't," she hadn't realized how tight her voice had gotten until she'd uttered those two words.

"Look you were right before, I think it's best we part ways. No hard feelings," he's in front of her now with little distance between them and he extends his hand to her.

She doesn't take it but instead takes a step back to get a good look at him. "So that's it then? Look I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have said what I said, but I didn't mean any of it and I don't—" She cuts herself off before she admits too much. She wants him to stay but he doesn't need to know that. God knows he'd never shut up about it.

He raises his eyebrow. "I've made up my mind so it's probably just best you go."

Regina hasn't a clue what to say so she stands there, frozen to the spot, kind of like the way she had made him on their original adventure to the castle. Her heart lurches at that. She can't let him go. He has to stay but she can't find the words. She doesn't know what she can say that will make him stay but despite her silence, she still doesn't move.

"Regina, it's okay, you can go. We'll come say goodbye at dinner."

She's at a loss. There are actually no words coming to mind now and she's just standing there like a gobsmacked idiot. She finally decides to go, unable to gather something worthy, and when he closes the door behind her, she feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach and she realizes how much the thief's absence would affect her (and his adorable son—how could she live without him?). She thinks of turning right back around and demanding that he not leave but then she hears footsteps heading her way, one a light pitter patter and the other a heavy thudding, probably meaning it was Roland and Robin's oaf friend. So she darts the other way around the corner, heart tethered to the giggles now filling the hall and the thief who was ready to stretch that tether all the way to Sherwood Forest.

:::::

It's dinner time now and Regina has her heart thudding like a wild racehorse. She keeps looking to the door to see if Robin and his Merry Men will come in. And she only gets more nervous as the minutes tick by without their arrival. What if they already left and hadn't come to say goodbye?

Just as she's about to get up and head back to their quarters, the hall doors open and a blur of brown curls come speeding in, running directly at her, she barely has enough time to get out of the bench, stand and scoop him up. But she nevertheless manages and settles him on her hip as she waits for his father to come sauntering up.

"Did you tell her bye, my boy?" Robin asks once he reaches them.

Roland shakes his head and then squeezes tightly to Regina, giving a peck to her cheek, "Bye bye R'gina. I'mma miss you."

If that isn't enough to break her heart, then she doesn't know what will. But she can feel her heart shattering. She hadn't meant to mess up this badly. She wants them to stay, she needs them to stay.

She lets Roland shimmy down and then asks if he can stay put there for a second with the prince and princess while she has a word with daddy. Roland nods compliantly and bounces on to the bench right next to Charming and Snow. Then Regina grabs Robin's hand and drags him off to a far corner to talk to him.

She's still nervous but she lets her emotions take control for once and abandons her fears, at least momentarily to get it all out. She pauses and takes a good long look at him, and swallows the last of her logic, "Look, I know what I said earlier today was beyond out of line and I don't expect your forgiveness but I need you to know that I didn't mean it. We don't want you to leave and I would trust you with my life. I didn't mean those hurtful things, and you must know that Robin," his face lights up at her utterance of his name. "Please stay. We need you here. I can be a overzealous sometimes, especially when it comes to my anger but I didn't mean them, I swear and it would just be such a shame if you left and…" She's rambling now.

"Did the queen just say she didn't want me to leave?" His lips form that deliciously annoying smirk.

"That's not what I said," she answers, crossing her arms.

"You said we."

"I just meant that I didn't want to see the Charmings moping about because their little lapdog left."

"Theirs or yours?" He teases.

"I told you that I didn't need you."

"You said that wasn't true."

"Well perhaps I meant that one."

He shifts then and faces the door, "Okay, I'll be off then."

"Wait," she calls after him.

He turns to face her with a wicked grin flashing across his face. "Say you want me to stay and I will."

"I already did."

"No. Say the words, 'Robin I want you to stay.'"

"No," her chest swells indignantly.

"Then we're leaving."

"Ok fine," she resolves.

He moves closer to her now, so close that she can smell his strong scent of pine, "Say it."

She huffs, stalling and wrapping her crossed arms tighter to her chest, "I suppose I would want you to stay. I mean we need more people for our army and we can't really afford to lose any. Plus, how could I find someone new to picture when I'm having fireball practice, when you're such a prime candidate."

He grins stupidly, "Her Majesty thinks of me, I'm flattered."

She rolls her eyes in response even though she's slightly charmed, "Shut up or I'll take it back."

He puts his thumb and middle finger to his lips and twists, promising his silence. Then he chuckles and then lowers the bag he had slung over his shoulder onto his forearm then extends it to Regina asking her if she could hold it for a second. She obliges and upon taking it feels as if nothing is in there. She lifts the bag and then drops it low to test the weight and nothing. She squishes the bag and confirms that it is, in fact, empty. She tells Robin so as he stands there watching her.

"I know it is."

She is beyond confused, "Why?"

"Because I was never planning on leaving."

"What?"

He moves even closer until their faces are mere centimeters apart and whispers low, "April Fools."

She stands there dumfounded. He'd tricked her. But wait, how had he known? They don't celebrate April Fools in this realm, "How did you—?"

"Snow."

Regina turns to glare at the princess now, who is at the table laughing at something the she-wolf is saying. And yet as angry as she tries to be, she can't find it in her, she even feels herself chuckling softly. She turns back to the thief who was still grinning proudly at what he'd accomplished and she doesn't know what possesses her to do it but she throws her arms around Robin's neck and gives him a squeeze, all the while whispering in his ear, "Don't you dare ever do that to me again and don't you dare ever leave."

And then she moves backward, ending their brief hug and making sure he understands.

He nods, still smiling with dimples fleshed out to the nines, "Never milady, for then I'd be the fool."


End file.
